to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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