what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Pants are for mortals
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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