well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
