We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
