Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
