that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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