I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
