Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
