At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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