I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
