I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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