Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
