you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Slut skills are useful in every country.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
