I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
