I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Please don't give away my fajitas
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
