I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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