so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
