ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
