I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
