I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
