This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
