Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
