I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
