Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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