I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
