I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
