we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
