okay pat passed out under dana's car
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
