Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
