Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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