Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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