can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
