can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
