oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
