I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
