Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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