stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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