i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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