Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
