is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
