Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
