I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
