i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
