I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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