i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
