he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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