I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
