he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
