My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I need to calm my uterus...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
