Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
