Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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