Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
