It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
