I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
