1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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